I swear every day since I turned 30, I have been feeling aches that I haven’t felt before. maybe these minor ailments built up over time, and I just wasn’t paying attention. no matter how many books I read and how many self-help videos I watch, I’m re-learning the same fundamental lessons - listen to my body, love myself, live a life that is true to myself. I’m not sure if I ever feel like I have shit together for more than a week at a time. my whole life up to this point has been one long improvisation. I keep changing my mind. I shift between being purposeless and purposeful. I’m learning to act more decidedly and brave the consequences because hesitance has only kept me stuck. someone said that depression can’t hit a moving target so I keep moving. I keep changing, it feels disorienting and exciting.

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